When attachment needs aren’t being met, as is the case in negative cycles, each partner tends to double down on their position in a misguided attempt at self-protection (“I need to know there’s space for my way too”) and a desperate attempt for reassurance that “if you agree with me, that means you’ll be there for me when I need you.” This causes rigidity of thinking and preferences. The rigidity is a fight for the safety one would normally feel when their attachment needs are met. The way aroun